Chapter 2 - A Forward Movement

As travellers like to give their own impressions of a journey,though every inch of the way may have been described a half adozen times before, I add some of the notes made by the way,hoping that they will amuse the reader, and convince theskeptical that such a being as Nurse Periwinkle does exist, thatshe really did go to Washington, and that these Sketches are notromance.

New York Train - Seven P.M. - Spinning along to take the boat at NewLondon. Very comfortable; much gingerbread, and Mrs. C.'s finepear, which deserves honorable mention, because my firstloneliness was comforted by it, and pleasant recollections ofboth kindly sender and bearer. Look much at Dr. H.'s paper ofdirections - put my tickets in every conceivable place, that theymay be get-at-able, and finish by losing them entirely. Sufferagonies till a compassionate neighbor pokes them out of a crackwith his pen-knife. Put them in the inmost corner of my purse,that in the deepest recesses of my pocket, pile a collection ofmiscellaneous articles atop, and pin up the whole.Just get composed, feeling that I've done my best to keep themsafely, when the Conductor appears, and I'm forced to rout themall out again, exposing my precautions, and getting into aflutter at keeping the man waiting. Finally, fasten them on theseat before me, and keep one eye steadily upon the yellowtorments, till I forget all about them, in chat with thegentleman who shares my seat. Having heard complaints of theabsurd way in which American women become images of petrifiedpropriety, if addressed by strangers, when traveling alone, theinborn perversity of my nature causes me to assume an entirelyopposite style of deportment; and, finding my companion hailsfrom Little Athens, is acquainted with several of my threehundred and sixty-five cousins, and in every way a respectableand respectful member of society, I put my bashfulness in mypocket, and plunge into a long conversation on the war, theweather, music, Carlyle, skating, genius, hoops, and theimmortality of the soul.

Ten P.M. - Very sleepy. Nothing to be seen outside, but darknessmade visible; nothing inside but every variety of bunch intowhich the human form can be twisted, rolled, or "massed," as MissPrescott says of her jewels. Every man's legs sprawl drowsily,every woman's head (but mine,) nods, till it finally settles onsomebody's shoulder, a new proof of the truth of the everlastingoak and vine simile; children fret; lovers whisper; old folkssnore, and somebody privately imbibes brandy, when the lamps goout. The penetrating perfume rouses the multitude, causing someto start up, like war horses at the smell of powder. When thelamps are relighted, every one laughs, sniffs, and looksinquiringly at his neighbor - every one but a stout gentleman, who,with well-gloved hands folded upon his broad-cloth rotundity,sleeps on impressively. Had he been innocent, he wouldhave waked up; for, to slumber in that babe-like manner, with acar full of giggling, staring, sniffing humanity, was simplypreposterous. Public suspicion was down upon him at once. I doubtif the appearance of a flat black bottle with a label would havesettled the matter more effectually than did the over dignifiedand profound repose of this short-sighted being. His moral neck-cloth, virtuous boots, and pious attitude availed him nothing,and it was well he kept his eyes shut, for "Humbug!" twinkled athim from every window-pane, brass nail and human eye around him.

Eleven P.M. - In the boat "City of Boston," escorted thither by mycar acquaintance, and deposited in the cabin. Trying to look asif the greater portion of my life had been passed on board boats,but painfully conscious that I don't know the first thing; so sitbolt upright, and stare about me till I hear one lady say toanother - "We must secure our berths at once;" whereupon I dart atone, and, while leisurely taking off my cloak, wait to discoverwhat the second move may be. Several ladies draw the curtainsthat hang in a semi-circle before each nest - instantly I whiskmine smartly together, and then peep out to see what next.Gradually, on hooks above the blue and yellow drapery, appear thecoats and bonnets of my neighbors, while their boots and shoes,in every imaginable attitude, assert themselves below, as iftheir owners had committed suicide in a body. A violent creaking,scrambling, and fussing, causes the fact that people are goingregularly to bed to dawn upon my mind. Of course they are; and soam I - but pause at the seventh pin, remembering that, as I wasborn to be drowned, an eligible opportunity now presents itself;and, having twice escaped a watery grave, the third immersionwill certainly extinguish my vital spark. The boat isnew, but if it ever intends to blow up, spring a leak, catchafire, or be run into, it will do the deed to-night, because I'mhere to fulfill my destiny. With tragic calmness I resign myself,replace my pins, lash my purse and papers together, with myhandkerchief, examine the saving circumference of my hoop, andlook about me for any means of deliverance when the moist momentshall arrive; for I've no intention of folding my hands andbubbling to death without an energetic splashing first. Barrels,hen-coops, portable settees, and life-preservers do not adorn thecabin, as they should; and, roving wildly to and fro, my eye seesno ray of hope till it falls upon a plump old lady, devoutlyreading in the cabin Bible, and a voluminous night-cap. Iremember that, at the swimming school, fat girls always floatedbest, and in an instant my plan is laid. At the first alarm Ifirmly attach myself to the plump lady, and cling to her throughfire and water; for I feel that my old enemy, the cramp, willseize me by the foot, if I attempt to swim; and, though I canhardly expect to reach Jersey City with myself and my baggage inas good condition as I hoped, I might manage to get picked up byholding to my fat friend; if not it will be a comfort to feelthat I've made an effort and shall die in good society. Poor dearwoman! how little she dreamed, as she read and rocked, with hercap in a high state of starch, and her feet comfortably cookingat the register, what fell designs were hovering about her, andhow intently a small but determined eye watched her, till itsuddenly closed.

Sleep got the better of fear to such an extent that my bootsappeared to gape, and my bonnet nodded on its peg, before I gavein. Having piled my cloak, bag, rubbers, books and umbrella onthe lower shelf, I drowsily swarmed onto the upper one, tumblingdown a few times, and excoriating the knobby portionsof my frame in the act. A very brief nap on the upper roost wasenough to set me gasping as if a dozen feather beds and the wholeboat were laid over me. Out I turned; and after a series ofconvulsions, which caused my neighbor to ask if I wanted thestewardess, I managed to get my luggage up and myself down. Buteven in the lower berth, my rest was not unbroken, for variousarticles kept dropping off the little shelf at the bottom of thebed, and every time I flew up, thinking my hour had come, Ibumped my head severely against the little shelf at the top,evidently put there for that express purpose. At last, afterlistening to the swash of the waves outside, wondering if themachinery usually creaked in that way, and watching a knot-holein the side of my berth, sure that death would creep in there assoon as I took my eye from it, I dropped asleep, and dreamed ofmuffins.

Five A.M. - On deck, trying to wake up and enjoy an east wind and amorning fog, and a twilight sort of view of something on theshore. Rapidly achieve my purpose, and do enjoy every moment, aswe go rushing through the Sound, with steamboats passing up anddown, lights dancing on the shore, mist wreaths slowly furlingoff, and a pale pink sky above us, as the sun comes up.

Seven A.M. - In the cars, at Jersey City. Much fuss with tickets,which one man scribbles over, another snips, and a third "makesnote on." Partake of refreshment, in the gloom of a very largeand dirty depot. Think that my sandwiches would be more relishingwithout so strong a flavor of napkin, and my gingerbread moreeasy of consumption if it had not been pulverized by being satupon. People act as if early traveling didn't agree with them.Children scream and scamper; men smoke and growl; women shiverand fret; porters swear; great truck horses pace upand down with loads of baggage; and every one seems to get intothe wrong car, and come tumbling out again. One man, with threechildren, a dog, a bird-cage, and several bundles, puts himselfand his possessions into every possible place where a man, threechildren, dog, bird-cage and bundles could be got, and issatisfied with none of them. I follow their movements, with aninterest that is really exhausting, and, as they vanish, hope forrest, but don't get it. A strong-minded woman, with a tumbler inher hand, and no cloak or shawl on, comes rushing through thecar, talking loudly to a small porter, who lugs a folding bedafter her, and looks as if life were a burden to him.

"You promised to have it ready. It is not ready. It must be a carwith a water jar, the windows must be shut, the fire must be keptup, the blinds must be down. No, this won't do. I shall gothrough the whole train, and suit myself, for you promised tohave it ready. It is not ready," &c., all through again, like ahand-organ. She haunted the cars, the depot, the office andbaggage-room, with her bed, her tumbler, and her tongue, till thetrain started; and a sense of fervent gratitude filled my soul,when I found that she and her unknown invalid were not to shareour car.

Philadelphia. - An old place, full of Dutch women, in "bellus top"bonnets, selling vegetables, in long, open markets. Every oneseems to be scrubbing their white steps. All the houses look liketidy jails, with their outside shutters. Several have crape onthe door-handles, and many have flags flying from roof orbalcony. Few men appear, and the women seem to do the business,which, perhaps, accounts for its being so well done. Pass finebuildings, but don't know what they are. Would like to stop andsee my native city; for, having left it at the tenderage of two, my recollections are not vivid.

Baltimore. - A big, dirty, shippy, shiftless place, full of goats,geese, colored people, and coal, at least the part of it I see.Pass near the spot where the riot took place, and feel as if Ishould enjoy throwing a stone at somebody, hard. Find a guard atthe ferry, the depot, and here and there, along the road. A campwhitens one hill-side, and a cavalry training school, or whateverit should be called, is a very interesting sight, with quantitiesof horses and riders galloping, marching, leaping, andskirmishing, over all manner of break-neck places. A party ofEnglish people get in - the men, with sandy hair and red whiskers,all trimmed alike, to a hair; rough grey coats, very rosy, cleanfaces, and a fine, full way of speaking, which is particularlyagreeable, after our slip-shod American gabble. The two ladieswear funny velvet fur-trimmed hoods; are done up, like compactbundles, in tar tan shawls; and look as if bent on seeingeverything thoroughly. The devotion of one elderly John Bull tohis red-nosed spouse was really beautiful to behold. She wasplain and cross, and fussy and stupid, but J. B., Esq., read nopapers when she was awake, turned no cold shoulder when shewished to sleep, and cheerfully said, "Yes, me dear," to everywish or want the wife of his bosom expressed. I quite warmed tothe excellent man, and asked a question or two, as the only meansof expressing my good will. He answered very civilly, butevidently hadn't been used to being addressed by strange women inpublic conveyances; and Mrs. B. fixed her green eyes upon me, asif she thought me a forward hussy, or whatever is good Englishfor a presuming young woman. The pair left their friends beforewe reached Washington; and the last I saw of them was a vision ofa large plaid lady, stalking grimly away, on the arm ofa rosy, stout gentleman, loaded with rugs, bags, and books, butstill devoted, still smiling, and waving a hearty "Fare ye well!We'll meet ye at Willard's on Chusday."

Soon after their departure we had an accident; for no longjourney in America would be complete without one. A coupling ironbroke; and, after leaving the last car behind us, we waited forit to come up, which it did, with a crash that knocked every oneforward on their faces, and caused several old ladies to screechdismally. Hats flew off, bonnets were flattened, the stoveskipped, the lamps fell down, the water jar turned a somersault,and the wheel just over which I sat received some damage. Ofcourse, it became necessary for all the men to get out, and standabout in everybody's way, while repairs were made; and for thewomen to wrestle their heads out of the windows, asking ninety-nine foolish questions to one sensible one. A few wise femalesseized this favorable moment to better their seats, well knowingthat few men can face the wooden stare with which they regard theformer possessors of the places they have invaded.

The country through which we passed did not seem so very unlikethat which I had left, except that it was more level and lesswintry. In summer time the wide fields would have shown me newsights, and the way-side hedges blossomed with new flowers; now,everything was sere and sodden, and a general air ofshiftlessness prevailed, which would have caused a New Englandfarmer much disgust, and a strong desire to "buckle to," and"right up" things. Dreary little houses, with chimneys builtoutside, with clay and rough sticks piled crosswise, as we usedto build cob towers, stood in barren looking fields, with cow,pig, or mule lounging about the door. We often passed coloredpeople, looking as if they had come out of a picturebook, or off the stage, but not at all the sort of people I'dbeen accustomed to see at the North.

Wayside encampments made the fields and lanes gay with blue coatsand the glitter of buttons. Military washes flapped and flutteredon the fences; pots were steaming in the open air; all sorts oftableaux seen through the openings of tents, and everywhere theboys threw up their caps and cut capers as we passed.

Washington. - It was dark when we arrived; and, but for thepresence of another friendly gentleman, I should have yieldedmyself a helpless prey to the first overpowering hackman, whoinsisted that I wanted to go just where I didn't. Putting me intothe conveyance I belonged in, my escort added to the obligationby pointing out the objects of interest which we passed in ourlong drive. Though I'd often been told that Washington was aspacious place, its visible magnitude quite took my breath away,and of course I quoted Randolph's expression, "a city ofmagnificent distances," as I suppose every one does when they seeit. The Capitol was so like the pictures that hang opposite thestaring Father of his Country, in boarding-houses and hotels,that it did not impress me, except to recall the time when I wassure that Cinderella went to housekeeping in just such a place,after she had married the inflammable Prince; though, even atthat early period, I had my doubts as to the wisdom of a matchwhose foundation was of glass.

The White House was lighted up, and carriages were rolling in andout of the great gate. I stared hard at the famous East Room, andwould have liked a peep through the crack of the door. My oldgentleman was indefatigable in his attentions, and I said,"Splendid!" to everything he pointed out, though I suspect Ioften admired the wrong place, and missed the right.Pennsylvania Avenue, with its bustle, lights, music, andmilitary, made me feel as if I'd crossed the water and landedsomewhere in Carnival time. Coming to less noticeable parts ofthe city, my companion fell silent, and I meditated upon theperfection which Art had attained in America - having just passed abronze statue of some hero, who looked like a black Methodistminister, in a cocked hat, above the waist, and a tipsy squirebelow; while his horse stood like an opera dancer, on one leg, ina high, but somewhat remarkable wind, which blew his mane one wayand his massive tail the other.

"Hurly-burly House, ma'am!" called a voice, startling me from myreverie, as we stopped before a great pile of buildings, with aflag flying before it, sentinels at the door, and a very tryingquantity of men lounging about. My heart beat rather faster thanusual, and it suddenly struck me that I was very far from home;but I descended with dignity, wondering whether I should bestopped for want of a countersign, and forced to pass the nightin the street. Marching boldly up the steps, I found that no formwas necessary, for the men fell back, the guard touched theircaps, a boy opened the door, and, as it closed behind me, I feltthat I was fairly started, and Nurse Periwinkle's Mission wasbegun.