October 10th. - Mr. Huntingdon returned about three weeks ago. Hisappearance, his demeanour and conversation, and my feelings withregard to him, I shall not trouble myself to describe. The dayafter his arrival, however, he surprised me by the announcement ofan intention to procure a governess for little Arthur: I told himit was quite unnecessary, not to say ridiculous, at the presentseason: I thought I was fully competent to the task of teachinghim myself - for some years to come, at least: the child'seducation was the only pleasure and business of my life; and sincehe had deprived me of every other occupation, he might surely leaveme that.

He said I was not fit to teach children, or to be with them: I hadalready reduced the boy to little better than an automaton; I hadbroken his fine spirit with my rigid severity; and I should freezeall the sunshine out of his heart, and make him as gloomy anascetic as myself, if I had the handling of him much longer. Andpoor Rachel, too, came in for her share of abuse, as usual; hecannot endure Rachel, because he knows she has a properappreciation of him.

I calmly defended our several qualifications as nurse andgoverness, and still resisted the proposed addition to our family;but he cut me short by saying it was no use bothering about thematter, for he had engaged a governess already, and she was comingnext week; so that all I had to do was to get things ready for herreception. This was a rather startling piece of intelligence. Iventured to inquire her name and address, by whom she had beenrecommended, or how he had been led to make choice of her.

'She is a very estimable, pious young person,' said he; 'youneedn't be afraid. Her name is Myers, I believe; and she wasrecommended to me by a respectable old dowager: a lady of highrepute in the religious world. I have not seen her myself, andtherefore cannot give you a particular account of her person andconversation, and so forth; but, if the old lady's eulogies arecorrect, you will find her to possess all desirable qualificationsfor her position: an inordinate love of children among the rest.'

All this was gravely and quietly spoken, but there was a laughingdemon in his half-averted eye that boded no good, I imagined.However, I thought of my asylum in -shire, and made no furtherobjections.

When Miss Myers arrived, I was not prepared to give her a verycordial reception. Her appearance was not particularly calculatedto produce a favourable impression at first sight, nor did hermanners and subsequent conduct, in any degree, remove the prejudiceI had already conceived against her. Her attainments were limited,her intellect noways above mediocrity. She had a fine voice, andcould sing like a nightingale, and accompany herself sufficientlywell on the piano; but these were her only accomplishments. Therewas a look of guile and subtlety in her face, a sound of it in hervoice. She seemed afraid of me, and would start if I suddenlyapproached her. In her behaviour she was respectful andcomplaisant, even to servility: she attempted to flatter and fawnupon me at first, but I soon checked that. Her fondness for herlittle pupil was overstrained, and I was obliged to remonstratewith her on the subject of over-indulgence and injudicious praise;but she could not gain his heart. Her piety consisted in anoccasional heaving of sighs, and uplifting of eyes to the ceiling,and the utterance of a few cant phrases. She told me she was aclergyman's daughter, and had been left an orphan from herchildhood, but had had the good fortune to obtain a situation in avery pious family; and then she spoke so gratefully of the kindnessshe had experienced from its different members, that I reproachedmyself for my uncharitable thoughts and unfriendly conduct, andrelented for a time, but not for long: my causes of dislike weretoo rational, my suspicions too well founded for that; and I knewit was my duty to watch and scrutinize till those suspicions wereeither satisfactorily removed or confirmed.

I asked the name and residence of the kind and pious family. Shementioned a common name, and an unknown and distant place of abode,but told me they were now on the Continent, and their presentaddress was unknown to her. I never saw her speak much to Mr.Huntingdon; but he would frequently look into the school-room tosee how little Arthur got on with his new companion, when I was notthere. In the evening, she sat with us in the drawing-room, andwould sing and play to amuse him or us, as she pretended, and wasvery attentive to his wants, and watchful to anticipate them,though she only talked to me; indeed, he was seldom in a conditionto be talked to. Had she been other than she was, I should havefelt her presence a great relief to come between us thus, except,indeed, that I should have been thoroughly ashamed for any decentperson to see him as he often was.

I did not mention my suspicions to Rachel; but she, havingsojourned for half a century in this land of sin and sorrow, haslearned to be suspicious herself. She told me from the first shewas 'down of that new governess,' and I soon found she watched herquite as narrowly as I did; and I was glad of it, for I longed toknow the truth: the atmosphere of Grassdale seemed to stifle me,and I could only live by thinking of Wildfell Hall.

At last, one morning, she entered my chamber with such intelligencethat my resolution was taken before she had ceased to speak. Whileshe dressed me I explained to her my intentions and what assistanceI should require from her, and told her which of my things she wasto pack up, and what she was to leave behind for herself, as I hadno other means of recompensing her for this sudden dismissal afterher long and faithful service: a circumstance I most deeplyregretted, but could not avoid.

'And what will you do, Rachel?' said I; 'will you go home, or seekanother place?'

'I have no home, ma'am, but with you,' she replied; 'and if I leaveyou I'll never go into place again as long as I live.'

'But I can't afford to live like a lady now,' returned I: 'I mustbe my own maid and my child's nurse.'

'What signifies!' replied she, in some excitement. 'You'll wantsomebody to clean and wash, and cook, won't you? I can do allthat; and never mind the wages: I've my bits o' savings yet, andif you wouldn't take me I should have to find my own board andlodging out of 'em somewhere, or else work among strangers: andit's what I'm not used to: so you can please yourself, ma'am.'Her voice quavered as she spoke, and the tears stood in her eyes.

'I should like it above all things, Rachel, and I'd give you suchwages as I could afford: such as I should give to any servant-of-all-work I might employ: but don't you see I should be draggingyou down with me when you have done nothing to deserve it?'

'Oh, fiddle!' ejaculated she.

'And, besides, my future way of living will be so widely differentto the past: so different to all you have been accustomed to - '

'Do you think, ma'am, I can't bear what my missis can? surely I'mnot so proud and so dainty as that comes to; and my little master,too, God bless him!'

'But I'm young, Rachel; I sha'n't mind it; and Arthur is young too:it will be nothing to him.'

'Nor me either: I'm not so old but what I can stand hard fare andhard work, if it's only to help and comfort them as I've loved likemy own bairns: for all I'm too old to bide the thoughts o' leaving'em in trouble and danger, and going amongst strangers myself.'

'Then you sha'n't, Rachel!' cried I, embracing my faithful friend.'We'll all go together, and you shall see how the new life suitsyou.'

'Bless you, honey!' cried she, affectionately returning my embrace.'Only let us get shut of this wicked house, and we'll do rightenough, you'll see.'

'So think I,' was my answer; and so that point was settled.

By that morning's post I despatched a few hasty lines to Frederick,beseeching him to prepare my asylum for my immediate reception:for I should probably come to claim it within a day after thereceipt of that note: and telling him, in few words, the cause ofmy sudden resolution. I then wrote three letters of adieu: thefirst to Esther Hargrave, in which I told her that I found itimpossible to stay any longer at Grassdale, or to leave my sonunder his father's protection; and, as it was of the lastimportance that our future abode should be unknown to him and hisacquaintance, I should disclose it to no one but my brother,through the medium of whom I hoped still to correspond with myfriends. I then gave her his address, exhorted her to writefrequently, reiterated some of my former admonitions regarding herown concerns, and bade her a fond farewell.

The second was to Milicent; much to the same effect, but a littlemore confidential, as befitted our longer intimacy, and her greaterexperience and better acquaintance with my circumstances.

The third was to my aunt: a much more difficult and painfulundertaking, and therefore I had left it to the last; but I mustgive her some explanation of that extraordinary step I had taken:and that quickly, for she and my uncle would no doubt hear of itwithin a day or two after my disappearance, as it was probable thatMr. Huntingdon would speedily apply to them to know what was becomeof me. At last, however, I told her I was sensible of my error: Idid not complain of its punishment, and I was sorry to trouble myfriends with its consequences; but in duty to my son I must submitno longer; it was absolutely necessary that he should be deliveredfrom his father's corrupting influence. I should not disclose myplace of refuge even to her, in order that she and my uncle mightbe able, with truth, to deny all knowledge concerning it; but anycommunications addressed to me under cover to my brother would becertain to reach me. I hoped she and my uncle would pardon thestep I had taken, for if they knew all, I was sure they would notblame me; and I trusted they would not afflict themselves on myaccount, for if I could only reach my retreat in safety and keep itunmolested, I should be very happy, but for the thoughts of them;and should be quite contented to spend my life in obscurity,devoting myself to the training up of my child, and teaching him toavoid the errors of both his parents.

These things were done yesterday: I have given two whole days tothe preparation for our departure, that Frederick may have moretime to prepare the rooms, and Rachel to pack up the things: forthe latter task must be done with the utmost caution and secrecy,and there is no one but me to assist her. I can help to get thearticles together, but I do not understand the art of stowing theminto the boxes, so as to take up the smallest possible space; andthere are her own things to do, as well as mine and Arthur's. Ican ill afford to leave anything behind, since I have no money,except a few guineas in my purse; and besides, as Rachel observed,whatever I left would most likely become the property of MissMyers, and I should not relish that.

But what trouble I have had throughout these two days, strugglingto appear calm and collected, to meet him and her as usual, when Iwas obliged to meet them, and forcing myself to leave my littleArthur in her hands for hours together! But I trust these trialsare over now: I have laid him in my bed for better security, andnever more, I trust, shall his innocent lips be defiled by theircontaminating kisses, or his young ears polluted by their words.But shall we escape in safety? Oh, that the morning were come, andwe were on our way at least! This evening, when I had given Rachelall the assistance I could, and had nothing left me but to wait,and wish and tremble, I became so greatly agitated that I knew notwhat to do. I went down to dinner, but I could not force myself toeat. Mr. Huntingdon remarked the circumstance.

'What's to do with you now?' said he, when the removal of thesecond course gave him time to look about him.

'I am not well,' I replied: 'I think I must lie down a little; youwon't miss me much?'

'Not the least: if you leave your chair, it'll do just as well -better, a trifle,' he muttered, as I left the room, 'for I canfancy somebody else fills it.'

'Somebody else may fill it to-morrow,' I thought, but did not say.'There! I've seen the last of you, I hope,' I muttered, as Iclosed the door upon him.

Rachel urged me to seek repose at once, to recruit my strength forto-morrow's journey, as we must be gone before the dawn; but in mypresent state of nervous excitement that was entirely out of thequestion. It was equally out of the question to sit, or wanderabout my room, counting the hours and the minutes between me andthe appointed time of action, straining my ears and trembling atevery sound, lest someone should discover and betray us after all.I took up a book and tried to read: my eyes wandered over thepages, but it was impossible to bind my thoughts to their contents.Why not have recourse to the old expedient, and add this last eventto my chronicle? I opened its pages once more, and wrote the aboveaccount - with difficulty, at first, but gradually my mind becamemore calm and steady. Thus several hours have passed away: thetime is drawing near; and now my eyes feel heavy and my frameexhausted. I will commend my cause to God, and then lie down andgain an hour or two of sleep; and then! -

Little Arthur sleeps soundly. All the house is still: there canbe no one watching. The boxes were all corded by Benson, andquietly conveyed down the back stairs after dusk, and sent away ina cart to the M- coach-office. The name upon the cards was Mrs.Graham, which appellation I mean henceforth to adopt. My mother'smaiden name was Graham, and therefore I fancy I have some claim toit, and prefer it to any other, except my own, which I dare notresume.